Monday, January 02, 2006


The "Moore Music" Incident (WARNING: Kinda gross)

So it was a beautiful saturday morning, and myself and Brandon went over to E-ville to get some sound equipment. Well before we headed out, we went by McDonalds to get some breakfast. I got the breakfast burrito meal, with hot salsa. We ate in the car whilste we were driving. By the time we got there, my stomach was going CRAAZY. I thought I was going to poop to my pants. We get to Moore Music and ask "You guys have a toilet I can use?" The guy looks at me and says "Sorry man, we don't have a public toilet." But the owner (i guess) was standing there and said, "Aahh, it's ok, go ahead." I guess he saw the pain in my eyes.

So I go in there, and am looking down at this tiny little toilet. You know the kind. It's the one where your knees are touching your chin and only flush .5 gallons per flush. I stood for a good 30 seconds debating on whether or not to use this toilet. Finally, I decided that I couldn't wait. I did it...I used the tiny toilet. Oooooh the relief. Well, you can imagine the contents of the bowel in a worste case scenario. I go to flush.....uuhhh..uh oh. It didn't go down. So I grab the plunger...flush...pump, pump, pump...nothing. That water level rose. At this point panic started to set in. I know I only had one chance. It had to go down this time, or it was overflowing. I located the water valve just in case. Here we go...1......2....3....

Flush...pump, pump, pump, oh shit oh shit it's overflowing!!! I quickly turn off the water, but there is already nasty shit water all over the floor, while the bowl is full of nasty stirred up shit water. All I can find is some paper towels, so I lay some down to hopefully start cleaning up. But at that time, someone comes knocking on the door. "uuuh yeah?" "oh sorry man". whew, I have a little more time. Well, I don't know if they heard me in there scurrying around, but he came back just moment later."Dude, you alright in there?" "uuhhhh....not really."

I open the door and this dude just looks at the shit water covered floor, then looks at me and walks away. Then the store manager comes up, and not at all trying to hide the situation says "Dude, what the hell!? We let you use our toilet and you stuff it full of towels?" "No, no no, thats not what happend." I told him what happened, and he took pity on me. The whole time this is going on, Brandon is just wondering around pretending like he doesn't know me.

Well, now I am in an extremely awkward situation. They guy said it was ok, and he called someone to come clean it up, even thought I offered many times to clean it up myself, or at least pay to have it cleaned. He refused my offers. Now then, I came with intentions of spending like $200. But it required shopping, and I wasn't about to just hang out and shop, so I bought a $20 guitar cable and got the hell out.

4 years later, and I have never been back, and I don't ever plan on returning. Not out of embarrassment, but out of fear I will get punched in the face.

by UberBrian

Man, that's funny stuff. If I had a dime for every toilet I've stopped up, I'd be about 10 bucks richer now.
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